| I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with | | | | old Sonny and Cher song: "It takes two babe." And in |
| me ever after,and changed my ideas. | | | | her dream it would indeed take "two" to create "her" |
| They've gone through and through me, like wine | | | | music: the mandolin and the musician. One, $1,000 or |
| through water,and altered the color of my mind. | | | | less, will not do it. Perhaps her dream requires a |
| Dreams are gifts of the Spirit meant to alter us. | | | | relationship between the mandolin and the musician |
| - Emily Bronte | | | | creating a third element: music. Without such a |
| Much of our chronic "depression," which has reached | | | | relationship, this connection to the mandolin, the musical |
| epidemic proportions in the U.S., is one of the | | | | composition of her creative life will never be heard. |
| symptoms of "non-being," of an unlived life. This also | | | | Laura's dream does not necessarily mean she needs |
| means that depression can be one of our most | | | | to start playing the mandolin; that would be a literal |
| valuable signposts, a red flag, a spiritual distress signal, | | | | interpretation. But she could play the mandolin as a |
| a deep inner protest about something we are doing to | | | | way to ritualize her dream's meaning, to serve as a |
| ourselves. To anesthetize our depression with drugs is | | | | reminder of the dream's transformative message for |
| equivalent to cutting the wires of our psyche's natural | | | | her life. Indeed, it is in the nature and character of such |
| alarm system. It also makes sense that "depressing" or | | | | dreams to stir things up, as Laura's dream illustrated, to |
| burying our natural talents, our passions, and our | | | | produce a healthy, necessary, creative tension |
| dreams would logically create feelings of depression. | | | | between a depressing status quo and her own unlived, |
| After twenty-plus years of researching dreaming and | | | | depressed potential. |
| techniques of dream interpretation, working with well | | | | Her dream inspired her to think seriously about leaving |
| over twenty thousand individual dreams, I discovered | | | | a job she said was exhausting her. She began to |
| that the majority of our dreams have a profound intent | | | | explore ways to reconnect with her creativity and her |
| and purpose; they stand as guardians at the gates of | | | | love of music--to create time and space for these |
| the human spirit, defending us from all manner of | | | | valuable aspects of her essential nature. And Laura |
| nefarious influences. Dreams focus, with laser-like | | | | knew she would have to overcome that part of |
| precision, on freeing us from anything that is | | | | herself who was resisting putting the necessary |
| self-negating and self-defeating. Remarkably, dreaming | | | | energy into her efforts. I was not surprised when |
| appears to function as a very effective psychological | | | | Laura reported feeling much better as she began |
| immune system. As we learn how to understand and | | | | opening herself to the idea of exploring new creative |
| apply the meaning in our dreams, it's like a fog lifting as | | | | possibilities in her life. |
| the sunlight emerges, we begin to understand what we | | | | Ironically, attempts to "fix" depression with drugs often |
| need to eliminate from our live and most important, | | | | end up perpetuating the wrong life. That's what had |
| what it is that we must do with our life. And one of the | | | | happened to Peter. When I first met Peter, a nerdy |
| remarkable side effects of this process is the healing | | | | computer programmer in his early forties, he told me, |
| of unrelenting depression. Here's an example: | | | | "I'm sick of being labeled with one of those personality |
| I first met Laura* in a weekly dream group. A | | | | disorders from that horrible big book and then having |
| professional accountant in her late fifties, she described | | | | some therapist try to fix me." Peter explained that he |
| her life as "having plenty of material things," but feeling | | | | "hated" his job and the company he worked for, but |
| a persistent depression and a "baffling" angst about | | | | had stayed for nearly twenty years for "the security |
| what to do with her life. On one, hot July night, she | | | | and the money." He had just begun taking a new |
| brought a dream that changed everything: | | | | prescription drug for his depression when he told me |
| I'm at a big attraction, like a Sea World. The crowds | | | | about a scary dream that he called a bad nightmare: |
| are huge. A large porpoise is the main attraction; it's | | | | It was just getting dark and I was standing outside and |
| swimming in a deep concrete canal. Everything around | | | | realized that there had been a nuclear war. |
| is lush and rich. Then I'm in a very cluttered gift shop | | | | Everywhere I looked I saw blackened remains, a |
| and I see this exquisite mandolin for sale. I offer to buy | | | | burned-out landscape. It was horrible! Then three, white |
| it if it's less than $1,000 but the clerk says it's $2,222. I | | | | Atlas rockets landed like space ships, the kind that |
| ask why it's so much but there's no answer. I notice | | | | carry nuclear warheads. As I watched, three alien |
| the back of it is slightly crumpled.** | | | | beings came out of the rockets' doors. A strange, |
| For Laura, the "big attraction" was a place "designed to | | | | green glow came from the doorways. I woke up really |
| make money by amusing and entertaining people." As | | | | frightened wondering how aliens can be in U.S. |
| part of the crowd, she is one of many "observers"--in | | | | ICBMs?*** |
| contrast to a participant--who has come to see a wild | | | | After allowing Peter's dream images to speak to him, |
| animal, to see it up close, to perhaps feel a particle of | | | | he understood the true impact of his devastating bout |
| what it would be like to be such a creature. But the | | | | with depression, how it had effectively wiped out his |
| concrete canal imprisons this porpoise, separating it | | | | worldthe "burned-out landscape" that he |
| from its natural environment. Laura described the | | | | described as being "dead, there's nothing growing |
| porpoise as "playful, but confined--a big fish in a small | | | | anywhere." And when I asked him to imagine being |
| pool." When she imagined being the porpoise, she said, | | | | one of the ICBMs and to tell me his "job description," |
| "I have all this capacity but I'm not using it; I'm in the | | | | he realized, with a look of real shock, that the three, |
| wrong place," her voice breaking with sudden emotion. | | | | white ICBMs in his dream represented the outside |
| "It's my work," she said. "I'm in the wrong place." For | | | | world's remedy he had chosen as well as the actual, |
| Laura, the "concrete" represented all the "practical" | | | | three white pills he took each daya powerful, |
| reasons she "should not" and "could not invest" in | | | | synchronistic allusion to the gravity of the |
| creative pursuits, the walls that keep her true nature | | | | pharmaceutical establishment's attack on his |
| contained. | | | | "depression"a quite real "alien" invasion of his |
| Feelings of deep regret and heartache surrounded the | | | | psyche. |
| mandolin. Laura explained that in her twenties she had | | | | From this dream he began to rethink his approach to |
| loved music and that she had especially loved the | | | | his depression. Instead of chemically altering his brain |
| mandolin and had learned to play it. "I'm handmade, | | | | chemistry so that he would not feel depressed and |
| unique. I feel rejected and damaged, unappreciated, left | | | | could continue working at a job he loathed, Peter |
| on the shelf to collect dust. Where is my home? | | | | began to consider other alternatives including exploring |
| People don't see me but I can help make music," Laura | | | | what his depression wanted, using his depression as a |
| said, letting the mandolin in her dream speak to her. | | | | catalyst to change his life and his career, to stop |
| Hesitating, tears welling up, she added, "It's the musical, | | | | depressing his hopes and dreams and his unlived life. |
| creative part of myself." | | | | Peter's dream helped him redirect his life by illuminating |
| Laura will buy it if it's less than $1,000 but her dream | | | | foreign influences that paradoxically were preventing |
| presents her with a dilemma: the mandolin will cost her | | | | him from getting to the heart of what his depression |
| $2,222 --a curious series of "twos." She realized that | | | | really intended: to free him from living someone else's |
| her dream was telling her that a rejected, damaged, | | | | life! |
| musical part of herself has a price tag beyond what | | | | Our dreams carry the awesome potential to help us to |
| she is willing to pay. She must make a profound | | | | see clearly who we really are--our natural, inborn |
| choice: to once again reject a valuable part of herself | | | | potential and unique character without anything |
| or resolve to pay $2,222 for the mandolin. This dream | | | | "landing" in our world that does not belong there. When |
| also reminded Laura that she had been feeling | | | | understood, they become our passport into a life that |
| rejected and because of her age was also feeling that | | | | has meaning, passion, and purpose. Our dreams want |
| she was too old, ready to be "put away on the shelf." | | | | our lives to make a difference. We need only remove |
| When something in a dream has a price tag, our | | | | all the isms and complex psychological systems that |
| willingness or unwillingness to pay the price often | | | | would like to tell us what our dreams mean and |
| means we are choosing whether or not to put our | | | | instead learn how to give our dreams the respect and |
| energy into something. Laura's dream ends with her | | | | the freedom to speak for themselves. A single choice |
| decision left hanging, unresolved. She would like to get | | | | can change our world. A creative, fulfilled life requires |
| the mandolin at a far lower price--meaning with much | | | | us to, as James Joyce suggested, turn our minds "to |
| less effort. Her desire to reconnect with her inner | | | | an unknown art." |
| musician--a straightforward reference to a valuable | | | | © 2005 by: John D. Goldhammer, Ph.D. |
| aspect of her Authentic Self--might not happen; it's her | | | | - ### - |
| choice. She might refuse the adventure, turn back, put | | | | Notes: |
| a valuable part of her genuine nature "back on the | | | | * Names and certain identifying details have been |
| shelf," spend her remaining years with another | | | | changed to protect individuals' privacy. |
| unsettling spiritual abortion gnawing away at the fabric | | | | ** John D. Goldhammer, Ph.D., Radical Dreaming: Use |
| of her life. | | | | Your Dreams to Change Your Life (New York: |
| Her dream says that she must make a $2,222 effort. | | | | Kensington Publishing / Citadel Press), p. 203. |
| All these "twos" reminded her of the words from an | | | | *** Ibid. p. 30. |