| I am blessed to share a very close relationship with | | | | that his own mother was quite angry with him for |
| my 92 year-old grandmother. Although she struggles | | | | failing to escort a young lady home in the evening. I am |
| with many common physical and emotional age | | | | quite fortunate that my grandfather redeemed himself |
| related ailments, her mind remains vibrant and the bond | | | | on the second date by returning to a dark movie |
| between us continues to deepen through the years. | | | | theatre when grandma realized that she forgot her |
| My relationship with my grandmother has been a | | | | gloves inside. |
| stabilizing force in my life. Her unconditional love, | | | | It was fascinating to learn about my great |
| integrity and wisdom have been my compass during | | | | grandparents who courageously left their villages in |
| times of confusion and turmoil. Grandma's home was | | | | Europe and worked so diligently to create a better life |
| one of the few places in my life that remained | | | | for their children and future generations. I learned that |
| constant despite the many painful transitions I | | | | my great grandmother Clara left her village in Austria |
| experienced through the years. With the divorce of my | | | | as a young child to immigrate to America, and my |
| parents and the many changes that ensued | | | | grandmother's birth name, "Malie", was changed to |
| culminating with my passage into adulthood, my | | | | "Mildred" when her kindergarten teacher sent a letter |
| grandmother's home was always a grounding force | | | | home to all the parents, requesting that children with |
| that brought me back to my roots and reminded me | | | | names that sounded too much like a nickname be |
| of where I came from and where I was headed. | | | | given a more formal name. Following my return home, |
| During my recent visit to Florida, I spent hours with my | | | | my interest deepened as I spent several hours |
| grandmother sitting on her screened porch in the early | | | | exploring in search of the passenger records of my |
| winter sunshine as she shared stories of her youth- | | | | great grandparents. |
| triumphs and celebrations, heartaches and struggles. I | | | | My grandmother tearfully described the final years of |
| was struck by the huge gaps in my knowledge | | | | her marriage to my grandfather. They retired to the |
| concerning my family history. A quiet mind and a | | | | West coast of Florida and enjoyed many years in a |
| peaceful soul can open the door to many new ideas | | | | condo with a magnificent view of the Boca Ciega Bay, |
| and opportunities. It is impossible to set one's personal | | | | which leads into the Gulf of Mexico. While grandma |
| agenda aside, open the heart and listen deeply if the | | | | busied herself preparing supper, grandpa enjoyed |
| mind is filled with noise and fixated on extraneous | | | | gazing through his binoculars at the sun setting over |
| detail. | | | | the bay, watching the pelicans glide over the water |
| My original plan was to fill the day with productivity. I | | | | and hoping to spot a porpoise. Periodically he would call |
| noticed grandma was in need of some new shoes, | | | | out to my grandmother; "Dear, you must come here |
| and certainly she could benefit from a ride in the car or | | | | and see this sunset" and my grandmother would reply, |
| a trip to the grocery store. Luckily, I reminded myself to | | | | "Not now dear, I am busy preparing supper". |
| cast aside my personal agenda in favor of viewing the | | | | In sharing this story with a friend years ago whose |
| world through my grandmother's eyes. Intuitively, I | | | | own husband also routinely summoned her from the |
| recognized that her deepest need was for emotional | | | | kitchen during dinner hour to gaze at the sunset, my |
| connection and companionship. | | | | grandmother laughingly recalled how her friend |
| With large chunks of time spent reflecting back on her | | | | conjured up a plan to teach her husband a lesson by |
| life and the dear friends and loved ones who have | | | | finally accepting his offer without protest, and remaining |
| passed away and living in a residence where most of | | | | seated gazing at the sky until long after the sun went |
| her neighbors are preoccupied with their own health | | | | down. Her plan was to wait until her husband finally |
| challenges and personal issues, my grandmother felt | | | | asked about supper, when she would nonchalantly |
| lonely and longed for deep and meaningful bonding | | | | reply, "Supper? What supper dear? I have been busy |
| time. The new shoes and the groceries can wait, I | | | | sitting here by the window next to you, watching the |
| thought to myself- however quality time spent with my | | | | sunset. How can I possibly prepare supper while I am |
| last living grandparent cannot. It seems that so many | | | | watching the sunset?" |
| of us pass through this lifetime in a haze of perpetual | | | | As I contemplated this story I thought about the |
| activity, rarely stopping to embrace the truly precious | | | | importance of our perspectives and the choices we |
| opportunities for authentic human interaction. I have | | | | make over the course of our lives. In the final years of |
| been guilty of the same for most of life and lived with | | | | my grandfather's life, my grandmother poured her |
| the sadness and regret that result from excessive self | | | | heart and soul into caring for him and keeping him |
| absorption. | | | | comfortable. Suddenly nothing else mattered and trivial |
| My grandmother's mood brightened as she painted a | | | | issues melted away as she devoted herself to caring |
| colorful portrait of the great grandparents, cousins, | | | | for her life partner, best friend and soul mate. The next |
| aunts and uncles I never knew. I accompanied her on | | | | time you catch yourself saying "not now" or "maybe |
| a journey through time as she shared stories of her | | | | later" to a loved one, perhaps you will recall the story |
| first date with my grandfather, the early days of her | | | | of the sunset and take a few moments to share the |
| marriage, her complicated relationships with extended | | | | beauty of the present moment. |
| family members and her struggle nursing my great | | | | Whether it means sparing a little extra time to |
| grandmother through a long battle with cancer. | | | | appreciate the beauty of a sunset, allowing your hands |
| I learned that on my grandparents' first date, my | | | | to get messy while finger painting with your toddler, |
| grandfather did not behave like a perfect gentleman. | | | | taking your shoes off at the beach with your child and |
| Instead, he handed my grandmother a nickel for the | | | | building a sand castle, or setting aside several hours to |
| trolley car and allowed her to travel home alone. My | | | | listen to the life stories of an elderly relative, your time |
| grandmother intended to never see him again and only | | | | will be well spent and you will receive equal if not more |
| accepted his telephone call because my great | | | | joy than you give. It is never too late to quiet the mind, |
| grandmother insisted upon it. During that fateful | | | | open the heart and give the gift of time. It is the most |
| telephone conversation my grandfather apologized | | | | valuable gift you can ever offer to a friend or loved |
| profusely for his inconsiderate behavior and admitted | | | | one. |